Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Private Notes: Day 11

After I set down the categories, it was much easier for me to focus on things and starting to get things done. I have worked a bit on all of the areas. Booked my Life in the UK exam for 13th of May, and pushed myself into studying. It does not look complicated at this time. The sale of our centre progressed modestly, at least the discussion progressed too.

I am now being asked to file a daily activity report, which I hate, but this shows me how little my company understood the nature of my work and why this whole thing is running towards abyss at a breakneck speed. But anyway, I am very good at passivity, and this is what they will get. I shall do everything they ask for, but take no new initiative myself. Of course, I still have the accountability to our customers and I must carry this out properly. But I must admit, this is a terrible bind. I should resign and go away now, immediately, as my mind is not into it and I am not doing justice to my work, but I can see that everything will implode if I do so right away, and I must go through this painful period just to keep the ship steady and afloat.

Time will come to discuss why this project had to come here. I shall try a short answer now: To operate in the International Space, one needs to have an international mind; being parochial and thinking that your way of doing things will take you to international success is grossly mistaken. Besides, one needs to approach international markets with respect and understanding, elements which are completely missing in our current effort. So, time for me to start fresh.

I am trying to organize my life as soon as I can. I have decided to move outside London and spend a year in the university. I guess this is a very brave decision, and braver when I have offers of employment to pursue. But then, time has come for me to take this big risk and jump - because it increasingly seems that I can make it if I change course. It will be a big gamble, but I guess I am more or less ready to take it now.

My plan is this - I go and join an MBA programme. I am aware of its challenges, but increasingly believe that I must have the analytical tools to supplement my experience and usual penchant for synthesis. In the next few months, I shall pick up a set of skills which will keep me economically active, and this is the list: Cross-cultural Training, Web design and Web Management Skills. Beyond this, I go and do an MBA, which will keep me in UK for the next 12 months and let me have the passport, which I want to have for nothing but travel convenience. While I do the MBA, however, I shall keep myself busy with some economic pursuit, and train myself further into modern IT and a modern foreign language [and Hindi, which I want to learn well now].

This, I think, will make me a complete professional. I shall keep this diary, lest it be of interest to people who love me. However, I shall keep this diary private and publish this only occasionally, may be once in six months.

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How To Live

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the grey twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."

- Theodore Roosevelt

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We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

- T S Eliot

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