Monday, June 08, 2009

Private Notes : Day Whatever

I have again lost track of my 100 day plans, but it does not matter anymore. I am clearly at an end now - which means a new beginning for my kind of people - my patience running thin, and my enthusiasm surging ahead. At precisely the wrong time to start a business, when one predicts the British economy is deeply hit by this recession, when Gordon Brown is floundering at the top and the nation's morale could not be any worse, I am raring to go.

This is possibly because I am forty. I got the sense of urgency back in my life with that magic moment of Birthday - or should I call it rebrithday - which opened an window for me to re-see everything, everything including myself. I am still killing time. Killing time is just an essential part of middle class life, it is as if we wait for our retirement benefits are handed over to us, that we don't seem to find an escape route easily. But, I am tired - let me go.

There were momentus decisions to be taken. Like, on my future in Indian politics. Without having started, of course, I got into a lecturing mode and started expressing my deepest opinions. As if they matter. This step back allows me to see the quixotic proportion of the project. Who am I - a tired blogger - to tell the nation what to do? But then I never meant to - all I wanted to say is what I felt - but somehow got into the notion that what I say matters. My blog got me, that's it, and now I am trying to run away from it. There are two clear things coming out of it.

One, I simply have no future in Indian politics. I am upper caste, come from a reasonably well-off family, have a problem with authority, stayed abroad for a long time and even have taken an Indefinite Leave to Remain in Britain. Besides, I have a terribly out-of-date liberal view, which automatically disqualifies me. So, I think I should give up and do what I do best - work in business and try to create wealth and employment - and if I can do anything for India, it will happen through this path.

Two, I am still planning to venture further afield. Britain was just one step, a beginning, but I was not supposed to end here. The original plan was to spend a decade in different countries, and I am only halfway through. I still have five more years and I got to see the world. So, I must do things what gets me there. Which means picking up a transferable skill and focusing on making some money, which I have not cared for, so far.

That brings back to the core word - Focus - which I must get in my life. Next few months, I know the work is cut out - setting the current work systematically off my back. I do not want any discontinuity, but I have done enough, investing a number of months after I gave up on this business. I need to focus now on future - going ahead and building on my understanding and my skills of marketing, particularly Direct Marketing. I am considering an Academic stint now - opportunities to teach - and I think I shall do quite well there.

I shall also turn this blog accordingly. I get a lot of visitors for my writing on International Relations and History, but not so much for the ones on business. I am planning to start a business blog and focus on it more regularly. I shall turn this into a complete series of private reflections - a diary of a Socially conscious individual so to say - and comment on important political, economic and social developments of our time.

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"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the grey twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."

- Theodore Roosevelt

Last Words

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

- T S Eliot

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