Indeed, you may simply say that I am having a mid-life crisis, but I brought it upon myself. For me, such crisis is the core of a sentient existence. This melancholia, in short, is not about the life lost, but a discovery of the inherent limitations that life must be lived with. Like, I came to England seven years back to see the world and learn: But I gave up in return things I dearly loved: Enjoyment, in workless bliss, of the wintry mornings in my family home in Kolkata, or the quietness of vast grounds that surrounded our house in Bolpur, a small university town a hundred mile away, where we would sometimes go for weekend breaks. Indeed, I have previously derided the tendencies of people to remain in their zones of comfort, but I am not sure, having left mine, that one choice necessarily turned out to be better than the other.
So, as I return to look at the future as a blank slate, I know what I wish to do: Return. The return is, again as I have written before, as much a journey as leaving home was, and demanded somewhat greater courage as this would require reversing most of what I am about now. I am fully aware that life-after-return is unlikely to be as idyllic as I visualize now: Nostalgia always gloss over unpleasant bits of the past and remind only the sunny bits. However, the idea of return is, in a way, part of a never-ending journey that a traveler must undertake, and a promise which remains unfulfilled most often, yet remains the keystone of a meaningful life if one has to be lived.
My journey has given me a lot: I have discovered a purpose of life. I now know that I wish to build an educational institution where the learners learn to live with our new, global, world, explore its technological and human possibilities, and know more than mere numbers and try to make it a better place. I know such education can only be achieved through learning and traveling, as I somewhat did, and I wish to open similar opportunities to people everywhere around the world. My plans to set up a global education company, therefore, remains fully reconciled to my idea of return: I wanted to set up an office in India in any case. I have become, irreversibly, a global citizen: It is time to go see the world one more time.